Smile For The Camera
by strawberrymacchiato
Summary: A part of Quinn wished that she had never fallen for someone who didn't love her back, and another part of her wished that it wasn't killing her a little more each day. But for the most part, all she wanted to do was to make her happy-even if it meant breaking her own heart. One-shot.


I twirl my black graduation hat in the air like a pom pom, because it makes it easier to breathe.

Family members are rushing around their children excitedly, and they smile, proud to be photographed with them. When they smile you can see the deep creases on the sides of their eyes, because it's genuine. They want to be here. They're not wasted at home like my father would undoubtedly be, sleeping off his latest hangover.

''Quinn darling, smile for the camera.''

The woman smiles for the photographer, Mrs. Judy Fabray-my mother. But when she does, all you can see is her pink lips twitch upward into a forced expression, one that's _supposed_ to be a smile. Her eyes stay neutral, unchanged, and unblemished by any sort of crease. Her hand finds my own and squeezes briefly. Then the bright light flashes in my face before I have a chance to respond, blinding me momentarily.

Fluttering my eyes to regain my composure, my gaze drifts over to the group of people giggling just a few feet away from me and my mother. In the centre stands a girl with long straight brown hair, and her hands reach out to slap a boy's arm playfully. She's smiling at him, a _genuine _smile with creases and all, and she's hopelessly in love with his goofy grin and mussy hair. She's so painfully perfect, and she doesn't even know it. I will my eyes to look away but then her smile widens and she squints, a faint blush colouring her cheeks, and I can feel my breath catch sharply in my throat. When she draws him in for a hug, I can feel my heart ache, and something inside me shatters. I have to grip tighter to my hat to keep myself from falling forward.

I suppose no one really knows exactly why it is they fall for certain people. A part of me thinks it probably has to do with the fact that they're unattainable. Maybe that's what happened with me. Maybe that's why I fell for _that _girl, the one wrapped around _his _arms, smiling only for _him._

''Of _course _I'll see you after graduation Finn, you're my best friend. You mean so much to me, and I never want to lose that.''

I feel myself wince when she pulls back slightly and leans in to press her lips softly against his. It's only a brief kiss, but it rips me apart completely, and all I can do is stand there and gape awkwardly, and maybe try to focus my attention elsewhere for a moment. I seek out a route of escape, but her eyes have flickered over to mine, and I freeze.

She looks, and with one look she's got a cosmic hook on me. It grips me like a vice, it makes me want to lurch forward with my soul, and it absolutely _destroys_ me. _She _destroys me, and I think I'm going to faint if I look at her a moment longer. I stay silent as I watch her mumble something into Finn's ear, and she weaves her way out of the small group with a determined expression on her face.

She's coming to talk to me.

I struggle to turn my head back to the photographer, who has apparently been trying to get my attention for the past few minutes because my eyes were closed in the previous photo.

I have a tendency to do that.

''3...2...1...Smile!''

My eyes stay open this time because I'm prepared for the flash, and I feel my fake smile drop as I'm returned to reality. I've always thought that about photos. Whenever you stop and take a minute out of your time to pose for one, it's like reality is put on hold for a bit. All that matters is that one moment, and you're allowed to pretend that everything is fine and dandy, even if it's not. Because when the photo gets developed, aren't people only interested in seeing pretty smiles?

That's all people see when they look at me. A blonde cheerleader with a pretty smile. It doesn't matter if that smile is real or not.

A shiver courses through my body when I feel a light touch on my shoulder. The hand taps again, and my face slowly angles around to face her.

God, she's beautiful.

''Hi Quinn, I just came to say congratulations!''

And in a nanosecond, her arms fly forward, brush past the fine hairs on my neck and slide down my back. She's holding me tight. She leans into me and I sigh, because I'm trying so hard to stop myself from just collapsing onto her and circling my arms around her too. Her vanilla scented perfume, fresh and piquant, is dangerously intoxicating and I shift slightly so I can put some distance between us.

''I'm gonna miss you, Quinn. So,_ so_ much.''

My heart thrums wildly against my ribcage and I'm starting to tremble, and my arms are practically reaching forward off their own accord. I'm ready to break down in front of her and turn into a huge wailing mess, because leaving this all behind _still _scares me. When I walk outside this hall and look back on McKinley High for the last time, I'll be stepping into the unkown, the unplanned. After all this is over, I'll be a frightened little girl all over again, heading off to face the world on her own. _Without _her. I'm crumbling. I'm going to fall apart at the seams.

But I can't do that. I'm Quinn Fabray, and Quinn Fabray can't do that.

''Quinn? Can you do something for me?''

Her voice breaks me out of my inner monologue. It's low and slightly unsteady, and it sends waves of electricity through me.

''Anything.''

I breathe. I feel her arms move down and latch on to mine.

''Hold me.''

_Hold me._

_She's asking me to hold her._

I shiver without warning, and then I can't stop myself.

My arms surge forward and lock onto her back, and finally _I'm_ the one pulling her tight against _me_. I tell myself over and over again not to breathe in her scent, but then she leans into my neck, and I make the mistake of inhaling deeply when her hair sweeps across my chin.

_God_.

God, if only we could stay like this forever.

''I...want to ask for your blessing.''

I feel an uneasy sensation brewing in my stomach, and try to swallow it down. But she keeps speaking, her voice rising in pitch just a fraction. She falters.

''I think I'm in l-love with Finn.''

Quietly, almost imperceptibly, I feel her frame shift away from me, and my heart _breaks._ Her hands are still holding mine, and the most adorable blush is radiating from her cheeks. She breathes in the cool air swirling around us and casts her face to the side.

''How can you be sure?''

The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them, and I bite my lip regretfully. But she's turning back to face me, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. It was only a matter of time before my jealous side popped its head up.

''Have you ever liked somebody so much you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music, and cry?''

All I can do is gaze at her, and let my heart keep twisting into a thousand knots, because when she looks at me like _that, _it feels like my heart has left my body and I'm somehow standing here without it. ''That's kind of impossible, Quinnie...'' Mom had told me at six when I asked her whether humans could live without a heart. Well Judy, here was living proof. Your own daughter had her heart snatched away from her without her consent, and now she's become an emotional wreck.

I look at Rachel and just nod sadly, encouraging her to go on.

''I knew you'd understand, Quinn. You always do, even when nobody else does. But...I need _you_ to give me the final word. We've been through so much together, and when you didn't turn up to my wedding, I...I just couldn't go through with it. I needed _you _to be there because, well it just didn't feel complete without you. I just..._God_, I love you _so_ much, and.. I can't believe I actually said that out loud!''

She's laughing.

She's genuinely laughing but just for a moment, and I swear on this, my heart stopped beating.

''You know, I think it's kind of funny how we ended up as friends after all the arguing and bickering, but for what it's worth, I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful to have made a friend like you, who never minces her words and speaks her mind, even if it hurts me sometimes. I'm grateful, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So I'm asking you, Quinn, as a friend to a friend, because I need you just like I needed you on my wedding day. Do I have your permission? Your approval to be with Finn?''

A small smile crosses her face at the mention of his name, and I gaze so deeply into her eyes that I can see my own reflection.

The reflection that stares back at me seems troubled, but at least it's genuine. It's like watching an ocean of feelings trapped behind green irises, and it's so easy to get lost swimming in a sea of despair like that. I quickly shake off the sadness that enveloped me so insidiously, and try to regain control. But my heart just breaks a little bit more.

_Tell her you're in love with her, Quinn. Tell her what you've been dying to say ever since that day you asked her whether she was singing only to Finn._

_Tell her, that she's making a mistake by choosing Finn all over again._

_Tell her now, because it's your last chance, and because you might not ever see her again._

_Tell her._

She watches me expectantly, innocent and unassuming pupils searching my own troubled eyes, probing deeper and deeper, until I force a smile. My best pretty smile, even though I know I'll never see her smile like that for me.

Pretty smiles. That's all they want, whether they're real or not.

''Do you want my honest opinion, Rachel?''

She's nodding intently, but I know that telling her how wrong the decision she's making is would be a side product of my prejudice. Somehow, I find it in myself to tell her what she wants to hear, and not blurt out anything foolish.

''I think you should do whatever makes you happy.''

''Does that mean I have your blessing?''

I exhale heavily. I'm barely managing to keep it together, but I give her the smallest nod, and the next thing I know she's crushing me in her arms again, squeezing the life out of me.

_God. _I really _do_ love this girl.

She's absolutely radiant when she pulls away, and inches forward slowly once more. She hesitates for a split-second, because she can read the confusion in my eyes, but then she bridges the gap and she's pressing her lips softly against my cheek.

''Thank you.''

She whispers, and my heart finally disintegrates into nothing.

''Girls? A photo together?''

Mom is glancing between us curiously, but drops it when Rachel chuckles lightly, so carefree, and loops her arm around my shoulder.

''Of course, Mrs. Fabray, anything for the girl I love.'

My breathing is erratic, and I can feel colour rising in my cheeks. She doesn't mean those words the way I want her to mean them but...God. I can't stop it. My lips, they're twisting upwards at the edges, and my cheekbones are pushing higher, my eyes-they're creasing all around them and, and-and _flash. _

I blink my eyes in shock, and feel a photo thrust into my hand.

''_Aww, _Quinn you closed your eyes!''

Rachel's giggling happily by my side while she scrutinises her copy of the photo. When I look down at the photo in my hands I realise it's true. I hadn't been focusing on the camera when it flashed, and now I look like I'm sleep deprived on my graduation day. My eyes trail over to Rachel, who looks completely at ease next to me, so marvellously _content_, but quickly go back to me.

Something looks different.

My _smile. _Why on earth am I _smiling _like that? I've never smiled like that before in my life. I actually look..._happy._

I look up at the real Rachel, who is still regarding the photograph fondly.

''I think I'm gonna keep this one.''

She says, flashing me a grin, and then she twirls around to run back towards Finn.

Suddenly, it feels like someone started using my heart as a dartboard all over again. My head is pounding lightly and the remorse that descends upon me is indescribable. I can feel my eyes growing damp, and I pray to God that I don't start crying now, because my eyeliner is going to streak down my cheeks in long black streams, and because mom will start asking me why I'm crying on my Graduation day and why I never seem to show any emotion at home.

So I suck it all up, and stare at the girl I loved, and lost.

She's _happy_, and that's all I need to know.


End file.
